what day is it and did you see me today?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
