how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
