He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize