Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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