Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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