I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
