I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
