I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
