You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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