he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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