if only i could text you this smell
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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