And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
