Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
