At least make sure they are 18
Why
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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