Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
