Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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