Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
