So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
