I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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