Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
