Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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