I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
