She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
