Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize