You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
