wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
