i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
