so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
