He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
