Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
