wakey wakey hands off snakey
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
