I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
