My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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