Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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