no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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