Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
