so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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