The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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