Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
