i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
