thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
