got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
