Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
