you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
handjob tips. give me some.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
