If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
