How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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