the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize