you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
