remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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