Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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