Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
