Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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