What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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