I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
