we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
