At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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