i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
