I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize