He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hippo gnu deer
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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