That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
