I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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