butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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