Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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